Disclaimer: I am not a relationship coach. I am sharing advice from the perspective of a spiritual guide. The information offered in this post is for educational purposes only. The information in this post is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice.
Have you ever been stuck on the hamster wheel of dead-end relationships? One after the other, your relationships come to an end, leaving you feeling hopeless in the world of love. When we, as a society, are taught about love, we are told that finding this special person to share our life with is supposed to complete us and be the source of our happiness. But in reality, this is the complete opposite of the truth. In this post, I’ll be sharing how creating conscious relationships will change your life and how to build one.
What Is a Conscious Relationship?
A conscious relationship is a romantic relationship where both partners have the mutual goal of growth. This goal includes individual growth and growth as a couple. Where this differs from the traditional definition of relationships is that its purpose is growth instead of happiness. Those in conscious relationships understand that their partner should not be their only source of happiness and that true happiness comes from within. Therefore, they lose that expectation, leading to deeper fulfillment and connection. The connection itself becomes a support system without unhealthy dependence.
“If I accept the fact that my relationships are here to make me conscious, instead of happy, then my relationships become a wonderful self-mastery tool that keeps realigning me with my higher purpose for living." -Eckhart Tolle
How to Build a Conscious Relationship
Keep Growth at the Center of the Relationship
The key to having a conscious relationship is to keep growth at the center of it. If you find yourself looking for validation from your partner or expecting them to make you happy, remind yourself that the true goal of this relationship is growing. Realize that you have the power to create your reality therefore you already are all that you need. Look for opportunities to grow together: try new things, help each other heal past wounds, authentically connect, and be vulnerable with them. When you keep this in mind, you foster a relationship built to last.
See Your Partner as a Whole Being by Themselves
By allowing for individuality and independence in your relationship you both can thrive separately while still coming together as a magnificent team. Remind yourself that your partner is complex and has an entire life besides you. There should be time for both of you to explore your own interests, pursue your goals, and discover who you are. This is why it’s great to spend time apart as well. It doesn’t have to be weeks or months. It can even be a few hours during the day. Give each other time to live your life without the pressure of sharing every aspect of it.
An example that comes to mind, is during the show Friends when Ross and Rachel are together; Ross gets frustrated that he’s not involved in every aspect of Rachel’s life, specifically her career in fashion. She then says to him something along the lines of,” I like that this is just for me. I get to go out and do it and you get to go out and do your thing. I like that this is mine.” Looking deeper into that, Ross’ inability to see Rachel as an entire being by herself was one of the causes of their eventual split. He became controlling and possessive which is the opposite of a conscious relationship.
Help Your Partner Feel Safe, Seen, and Heard
A wonderful part of being in a relationship is having someone to lean on and have them as a support system. So, in a conscious relationship, it’s important to prioritize seeing your partner for who they are and letting them be vulnerable with you. Listen to them intently. Allow them to unfold before you. See them for their uniqueness. Acknowledge the light and darkness and affirm that you love all of it. And lastly, make them feel safe. Part of a conscious relationship is to help your partner feel safe as you are their support system. Offer them safety by creating a judgment-free zone, creating a sacred space where they can show up authentically, and showing them that they can count on you. Additionally, acknowledge their shadow work and inner child. Try to understand where they are coming from and work with them during their healing/spiritual journey.
Learn How to Love Them Better
Nothing will make your partner feel better understood than learning how to love them better. An easy way to do this is to ask them what their love language is. The love languages are a theory that there are 5 different ways that people give and receive love. Most people have a primary love language that they resonate the most with. These include quality time, physical touch, gift-giving, words of affirmation, and acts of service.
By learning your partner’s love language you can start showing them your love in a way that they understand. For example, for someone whose love language is acts of service, just telling them frequently that you love them won’t be the most effective way to demonstrate love. Helping them with chores, picking up a coffee for them, or massaging their feet after a long day could work better. On this note, it’s also important that you learn what your love language is so that you can communicate that with your partner. Remember that they aren’t a mind reader, so you can’t assume that they just know the best way to love you.
Want to find out your love language? Take the official quiz here.
Creating a conscious relationship doesn’t have to be challenging. It gets to be easy when you know the right steps. Above all, make sure to discuss with your partner about your desire to create a more conscious relationship or if you’re single, create a plan for you to prepare for more conscious relationships in the future. Doing so will not only improve the relationships in your life but also contribute to creating a more loving world.
Which step are you going to take to create a more conscious relationship?