Updated: Mar 24
Whether or not you accept love says a lot about you. If you graciously accept love from yourself and others, it means that you understand your worth and embrace your authenticity. On the other hand, if you reject receiving love, it means that you have a hard time believing that you are worthy of good things. As you are a divine creation from the universe, it is your birthright to receive love. In fact, I truly believe that your life purpose is to experience love. In this article, I will be discussing the reasons why you have a hard time receiving and 4 ways that you can improve the way you accept love starting today.
Why You Hate to Receive Love
There are many factors that affect the way you receive but the two most common are limiting belief systems and fear instilled from past experiences. Limiting belief systems is a major contributor to the difficulty of changing one’s behavior. It is quite literally subconscious programming that prevents you from changing your ways so that you can move forward. Your limiting beliefs systems could include
“I’m not loveable.”
“I’m too messed up to be in a relationship.”
“All my friends are ever going to do is backstab me.”
“I am all alone in this world. No one loves me.”
These limiting beliefs systems are programmed from your childhood, your parents, or society as a whole. Something in your life once told you that you are not good enough and you held onto this belief, sometimes without you even knowing, for years. But awareness Is the first step. Once you realize what limiting belief systems have been holding you back, you can then shift your thinking to reverse it. I will share more of this later.
Another factor that may be affecting the way that you accept love is past experiences. Have you ever had a truly traumatic breakup that has left you scarred for years afterward? Or has your childhood made you believe that you are only loveable in very specific circumstances? These are all connected to the ways that you accept love and without confronting these past feelings, they will continue to sabotage your future relationships. It is time to break free of the past and create a future that you look forward to.
Ways to Improve the Way You Accept Love
Learn Your Love Language
The love languages is a concept coined by Gary Chapman. Although I am not a relationship expert or coach, I do personally recommend understanding your love language to improve your connection with yourself and others. The love languages is a theory that there are 5 ways that people give and receive love: quality time, physical touch, gift-giving, acts of service, and words of affirmation. Understanding how you give and receive love makes it easier to communicate what you need with others and to give love to yourself in the way you need to.
For example, if your love language is words of affirmation, using affirmations or mantras to remind yourself of love or worthiness would be the most effective way to program your subconscious.
On the other hand, if your love language is quality time; spending uninterrupted, unplugged time with yourself, doing your favorite things would be better.
This entire practice helps you to tap into your needs and practice good communication skills.
Replace Negative Thoughts
As I previously said, the way that you accept love is due to subconscious programming so you can deal with the problem head-on by actively re-programming yourself. One of the easiest ways to do this is to replace every negative thought with a positive one.
For example, when you catch yourself saying that you aren’t worthy of love from others, combat it with the affirmation “I am worthy of love because it is my birthright” or “I am here to experience love.”
This will help you to avoid spiraling into your belief systems and actively correct your thoughts. Over time you will being to see a shift in your thinking pattern, which is a fantastic sign that you are healing.
Practice Being Vulnerable
Being vulnerable is a crucial part to any lasting relationship. It enables you to share your truth, create sacred space, and allow the other person to show up as their authentic self. Becoming vulnerable can be intimidating for those who are used to putting up walls or are avoidantly attached (my hand is in the air so I really hope yours is too.) But like with anything on the spiritual journey it can be done slowly to avoid overwhelm. Consider the following steps
Be mindful and practice staying in the present moment. Vulnerability often drags you out of the present to mull over the past or worry about the future.
Stop yourself when you feel you’re pulling away. Sit with the uncomfortable feelings and ask where this stems from.
Practice expressing your wants and needs. Vulnerability requires honesty.
Start With Yourself Then Work With Others
You’ll hear this a lot during the self-love journey, “you need to love yourself before anyone else can love you.” Although I don’t agree with the statement, I do agree with the prioritization of self before worrying about another. Everything in our life starts from within as everything outside of us is simply a reflection of us. So, when starting your journey to improve the way you accept love, begin by firstly working on how you accept love from yourself.
How often do you speak kindly about yourself?
Do you prioritize self-love?
Where does the rejection of receiving stem from?
When you feel that you have a grasp of actively listening to your wants and needs, you can then begin working on accepting love from others. Doing so in this order helps you to feel less overwhelmed and slowly get used to opening up.
Accepting love is a challenge for those who have been programmed to believe that they are not worthy. But with time and patience, you will begin to see changes in your life. You will begin to let people in, feel comfortable expressing your needs, and overall feel more authentic. Your time is coming.
If you are looking for a guide to help you during this journey, I am here to help. The best place to get started is by downloading my free guide called “the 5 Stages of Unlocking Your Higher Purpose.” This no-commitment guide will give you a rundown of what a spiritual awakening looks like and give you actionable advice for your next step. Download here now.